I will not be shellfish!

That's it. After some laborious soul-searching and a thorough examination of my conscience, I have decided to take the plunge and become a member of PETA. Before you scoff when you remember that I love steak and hamburger, you may wonder what PETA actually stands for. People Eating Tasty Animals. Hand to God, it's a real group -- or at least they have their own PETA Web site, so they must be legitimate. Right?

I think it absolutely hysterical that a smart-thinking lover of meat would come up with an idea so crafty as to play off that popular anti-cruelty bunch using a similar acronym. Let it be known, I am against cruelty to any thing in general, but these folks seem more interested in wacky publicity and radicalism than they do in preventing cruelty to animals. It's the method I disagree with, not the message.

In a recent news story from a Seattle television station about that freakishly-large Lobster that was found in New England, both PeTA and PETA were quoted. That other group urged the lobster's handlers to release Bubba back into the briny deep. People Eating Tasty Animals had another idea, offering the lobster's owner top dollar for the gargantuan crustacean. At Tuesday's price of $14.98 a pound, Bubba would retail for about $350, the story said.

If you want to read about Bubba, click here.